It's Complicated
"So...are you a believer?"
"Uh..."
In my adult years, the church has been very lackluster. I got into the church because I had to go as a child. I didn't want to, but it was something I had to do.
As I get older, I've realized church has infuriated me. Nothing with God, more with the people.
I once walked out of service because we were told to bring a gay/lesbian to church and convert them to be straight and Christian, because gay Christians don't exist, apparently.
Then it escalated to bashing our great President Obama when he was first elected. I literally felt the mood shift in church and it was my final straw. Racism behind the word "God" is still racism, and I have no tolerance for it.
And if you know me, you know I question everything. I always joke I'd never be allowed in a cult because I'd ask too many questions. So lately, over the past five years, I've been asking questions:
- Why are there only 66 books in the Protestant Bible? Why not 65 or 70. 66 seems odd, no?
- Out of all the women present in the Bible, why are there only two with books in the Old Testament?
- Who put together the Bible?
- Who wrote it? No God didn't write the Bible.
I have more questions, and I'm actively seeking. I don't do well with, "Because God said so," answers, and maybe that's awful on my part. But I actively seeking out the truth isn't a bad thing. Aren't we supposed to be doing that?
As a baby I was Christened, I went to church with my mom. I just...did it. Everything was routine. I can't actually tell you I had a "connection" that was so deep and moving growing up. I don't understand a lot of the lingo. Sure, I know a lot of the traditions of Black churches and I could nod my head to some Buzzfeed article on "10 Things Only Members of Life Group Know" but...eh.
But if I'm going to be honest, I don't do well with a set religion. I don't know if there's a name for anything, but I do feel this:
- I believe in God and do believe in the story of Jesus.
- I think a lot of religions overlap. Therefore, I don't think one religion is more superior than the other.
- We don't actually practice the real Christianity because Americans have tarnished it so much and created something else from it. It's kind of like the Shira Law people assume is true Islam, which it's not.
So what I'm trying to say is... the concept of spirituality and religion isn't black and white. I don't know if I identify with a set or not. I don't know a lot. I know that I'm constantly asking questions and "seeking truth" as people say. But it's weird to come up with an answer when people ask me (and this is Texas. People will ask because they're going to assume you'll say, "yeah and I go to such and such church,").
"So...are you a believer?"
"Um...it's complicated."
"Uh..."
In my adult years, the church has been very lackluster. I got into the church because I had to go as a child. I didn't want to, but it was something I had to do.
As I get older, I've realized church has infuriated me. Nothing with God, more with the people.
I once walked out of service because we were told to bring a gay/lesbian to church and convert them to be straight and Christian, because gay Christians don't exist, apparently.
Then it escalated to bashing our great President Obama when he was first elected. I literally felt the mood shift in church and it was my final straw. Racism behind the word "God" is still racism, and I have no tolerance for it.
And if you know me, you know I question everything. I always joke I'd never be allowed in a cult because I'd ask too many questions. So lately, over the past five years, I've been asking questions:
- Why are there only 66 books in the Protestant Bible? Why not 65 or 70. 66 seems odd, no?
- Out of all the women present in the Bible, why are there only two with books in the Old Testament?
- Who put together the Bible?
- Who wrote it? No God didn't write the Bible.
I have more questions, and I'm actively seeking. I don't do well with, "Because God said so," answers, and maybe that's awful on my part. But I actively seeking out the truth isn't a bad thing. Aren't we supposed to be doing that?
As a baby I was Christened, I went to church with my mom. I just...did it. Everything was routine. I can't actually tell you I had a "connection" that was so deep and moving growing up. I don't understand a lot of the lingo. Sure, I know a lot of the traditions of Black churches and I could nod my head to some Buzzfeed article on "10 Things Only Members of Life Group Know" but...eh.
But if I'm going to be honest, I don't do well with a set religion. I don't know if there's a name for anything, but I do feel this:
- I believe in God and do believe in the story of Jesus.
- I think a lot of religions overlap. Therefore, I don't think one religion is more superior than the other.
- We don't actually practice the real Christianity because Americans have tarnished it so much and created something else from it. It's kind of like the Shira Law people assume is true Islam, which it's not.
So what I'm trying to say is... the concept of spirituality and religion isn't black and white. I don't know if I identify with a set or not. I don't know a lot. I know that I'm constantly asking questions and "seeking truth" as people say. But it's weird to come up with an answer when people ask me (and this is Texas. People will ask because they're going to assume you'll say, "yeah and I go to such and such church,").
"So...are you a believer?"
"Um...it's complicated."
